This Months Addition

Childhood

   I thought that I would back it up a bit so that you could get a better understanding of my thought process and where or why this story is leading…
   I was born in East LA at the White Memorial Hospital and spent most of my early childhood there.
   My mother is Spanish/Mexican (debatable) and my father is German. I grew up in a religious environment (Catholic). My mom worked full time as a waitress in a club that had “Taxi Dancers” to support us. Taxi Dancers are a thing of the past (I think)- girls that get paid just to dance with guys. My dad was rarely around. My sister has a different father who would always come to pick her up for the weekends; I remember feeling rejected as a child that my dad did not come to get me. We stayed at my Grandma’s house most weekends (in LA on Druid Street).
   I remember living in a small cute house in Canoga Park for a while. My mom being a single mother with three kids had to work all the time to take care of us.
   Sadie, our babysitter, lived next door. She basically raised us. There were so many great memories growing up. It’s weird how when you’re young you really don’t understand the stress or money issues – just live the moment.
   There are so many fun memories with Sadie, like sleeping in sleeping bags on her floor and waking up to her spraying Lysol on us every morning because my sister would pee in her sleeping bag. She taught us how to roller-skate and Christmas she would wrap three store bought balls under the tree. It’s weird how that smell stays with you and never goes away. We cared very much for her, but lost touch with her many years ago.
   Eventually we moved into an apartment in Sherman Oaks. We were really bad kids then!! My mom worked nights, my sister watched us and we were out of control. One time my mom came home and saw dog prints on the wall. When she asked what happened, we answered and said, “I don’t know, we didn’t do it”. She was puzzled. But the answer is that we did know. We would shine a flashlight on the wall and the dog would go nuts running up the wall for hours. Another time we had a water fight with the workers at the gas station. We brought the hose through the window and soaked them. They were so mad, but it was fun. We loved to play volleyball in the apartment (which was very small). We’d move all the furniture and put up a net inside the house. We’d break things and call my mom at work to tell her so that when she got home the punishment wouldn’t be so bad.
   The big earthquake in the 70’s hit, we were terrified and screaming. It was so scary. My brother and I had bunk beds and we got trapped in our room. The stairs outside fell down and we had to get help to get out, it was a mess. Luckily we only lived there for 9 months. We were very poor at the time. I remember my mom being embarrassed to use our food stamps. It didn’t bother me but I know she cared. She worked very hard and tried to provide for us and I love her for that. We used to get hand me downs from my older cousin all the time.
   We moved a lot while I was young. Our place in Sherman Oaks had glass entry doors, but they were so heavy that I couldn’t open them. So I’d have to sit on the steps until someone came to open the doors. I think about that now, how scary it would be for me to leave my child outside like that, I guess times are just different now.
   My mom had a home mate and one night I woke up to people yelling, this lady took all of my mom’s furniture and pictures out in the middle of the night. My mom was devastated, the little we had was now gone. Our family helped out, but it was a sad time for my mom.
   My mom eventually got married and we moved into a house in Canoga Park. It was so cute complete with a well in the front yard and a play house in the back. We were happy, in the beginning. The problem was that my mom worked every night and her husband didn’t, so he was a build in babysitter. They eventually divorced and we moved again.
   Meet our Canoga Park house on Soup Avenue. Sparkling pool and another marriage for my mom, again! I started 5th grade with lots of friends. Shopping at Topanga Mall and going ice skating occupied my days. My mom was happy watching me ice skate and I was happy for my mom that she finally met someone; she didn’t have to work 24/7. But as we all have heard, good things always comes to an end- and she divorced, again.
   Then came my life in the OC. We moved to Garden Grove and I went to school at Bell Junior High, then Pacifica High School. I loved it. Orange County was so different from the Valley. The boys were cuter; they dressed nicer and seemed smarter.
   My brother played baseball and now enters husband number….5. They are still together and make a great couple. It’s been over 20 years and I believe they are soul mates. He had 2 boys and my mom had us 3 and it was hard to combine families.
   My mom was very strict with me. Forbidden to talk to boys or date. Well, at 15 I had a boyfriend (and he was 19). He was cute, fun and loved me a lot. We dated for 2 years. Then I went for the opposite of him and dated a crazy guy who my parents hated. They wanted me away from him and tried everything they cold think of to keep me away from him.

Last month

Intro: I Should've Been a Penguin

   is the title of my living book. Each month I would like to publish a portion of my memoirs to share with you complete with videos and pictures ( I even have the actual letter I found when Lou was cheating on me!). To give you an idea of what’s to come I’ve included these excerpts:

I Remember the First Day I met Lou

   At the time I had a boyfriend, named Phil, which my parents hated and he was a bit of a wild guy. He had just broken my heart by cheating on me. I was extremely upset at the time so my sister convinced me to a road trip and said I’d be good for me to get away. I figured, why not. I think I cried the whole way there, because the girl Phil cheated on my with was “Helen” and when you drive on the I15 there is a sign to “Glen Helen Park”. It was a long and sad drive up there.

My First Date with Lou Knickerbocker

<   I remember a funny story that when we use to go out, this is probably the only time I realized our age difference, my mom was flicker the lights for me to come in house. We would be kissing and making out right outside my house, crazy now I that I think about it he was 42 and I was 19. I would kill my daughters if they ever did that …. Times are different now I guess.

Then the Break Ups

   As I drive up to his house I noticed that the car in the driveway that was not his. I thought, oh someone is visiting , I never picked up that it was his ex-wife’s car. I went inside the house, but no one was there. As I started looking around the house I noticed that all our pictures were gone. I started “investigating” and getting that sick feeling in your stomach when you realize someone is lying or not telling the whole truth to you. I found our pictures in a drawer and then I started to cry, I knew it was another women, but who? The more investigating I did I found that she (the other women) had scribbled our names out of our cute phone book and my clothes were all tossed in the closets. At that point, I called him at Spring Valley Lake because that is where he said he was going to “think”. She, his ex-wife, answered the phone. I could not believe it. I thought how could he pull this off, but he did and I hated him so much I thought I would never talk to him again. (see the actual letter I found to discover Lou was cheating on me!).

The Wedding

   At the church as I was about to say my vows I remember the Preacher looking at me to repeat “Lou’s” verses when I returned his gaze I caught him looking down my top!!! I was so nervous that I repeated Lou’s verse and everyone in the church laughed at me. I even said the words, “I, Louis Knickerbocker, take Tammy Knickerbocker…. I mean ..”. I thought I was going to die… (video, pictures upcoming!)